Week Of March 7, 2011
Your Q: I am pregnant with our first baby and my husband and I both live in a different state than our parents. Both our mom’s want to come to town for a few weeks after the baby is born. We don’t have room in our house for both, plus it is already hectic with a new baby coming. How do we keep our sanity and keep from hurting both of our mom’s feelings? Shenale, Dallas TX
The Mom Advocate A: I am so glad to receive a question like this one. This is a very common situation to be in and to have. On one hand, you want to have as much help as possible during the two weeks after the birth of your child. Yet, on the other hand, you don’t want to entertain guests and if you are like most new moms, you will feel as though you need to entertain. Setting boundaries is how you can accommodate both moms coming into town and enjoy their FOUR additional helping hands. When talking with your husbands mom, either have him do it or if you feel comfortable enough to have this type of a conversation with her, than go ahead and do so. Either way, you need to set boundaries now, prior to either of them coming. Boundaries you need to consider are where are they each staying? It’s your choice to have your mom stay with you and your husbands mom not to but I would suggest neither staying with you and asking them to come as early as 7:00am. You can also use this set of guidelines to establish if either mom visiting will be interested in giving you 1 night of sleep per week. If you are not bottle feeding, this is a great time to have the extra night of sleep from the beginning to give you time to rest, recuperate(you just had a baby) and enjoy your husband. Give them a list of what you think you’ll need help with yet know this list might change. Ask them if they can handle a list from you. In addition, give them specific items they can do for you while they are with you and make each of their lists different. One might be a better cook. Ask her to make 3 meals while the other mom might be great at cleaning; ask her to help you keep the house clean. Give both of them the ability to hold your new baby and give you time to shower, nap and return emails. No matter how nervous you are, having FOUR extra hands at your disposal is not a GIFT you don’t want to accept. Best Of Luck!